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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28074327">It's Not Everyday Your Nemesis Throws Your Prosthesis at You and Runs Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/illiterate_bastard/pseuds/illiterate_bastard'>illiterate_bastard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phineas and Ferb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst leaked in, Confessions, Cuddling, Doofenshmirtz needs a hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gitchee Gitchee Goo is the song, He's getting cuddles, Heinz is a double amputee, Heinz is sleep-deprived, Heinz is touch-starved, Heinz sings in the shower, How Do I Tag, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), I guess???, M/M, Mute Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), My First Work in This Fandom, Norm might as well be Doof's son, Perry has it stuck in his head, Perry uses Sign Language, Perry wears high heels, Self-Esteem Issues, Sleep Deprivation, They're oblivious and kinda dumb despite being as smart as they are yknow, Touch-Starved, Using a song to confess, Vanessa puts things together before they do, because I said so, character with practically non-existent self-esteem (looking at you Dr. D.), only a bit though, there is a point to all these tags I swear, this was supposed to be fluffy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:56:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28074327</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/illiterate_bastard/pseuds/illiterate_bastard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>hey hi how's it going it's been forever</p><p>uhhh sorry writing has been really tough lately?? and i haven't been able to write much- fanfiction or otherwise. but i recently binged all four seasons and the two phineas and ferb movies so now im kinda hyperfixating on it so,,, yeah</p><p>this was supposed to be a oneshot<br/>it's not looking like that anymore but hey that's p neat bc i haven't written much lately!!!!</p><p>characters are probably gonna be a bit OOC </p><p>i had no idea what the fuck i was gonna title this so yeah it's gonna be that ig</p><p>second chapter coming in probably a while??? idk</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ferb Fletcher &amp; Candace Flynn, Ferb Fletcher &amp; Phineas Flynn, Ferb Fletcher &amp; Phineas Flynn &amp; Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's Not Everyday Your Nemesis Throws Your Prosthesis at You and Runs Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    Somehow, despite the closeness when they fought, Heinz Doofenshmirtz was still unused to getting touched. More often than not, the only moments of contact were between him and his daughter - which typically consisted of short, fleeting hugs that she broke away from quickly - or between him and his nemesis, typically when the shorter male punched or kicked him away from his Inator of the day. And, despite how much it hurt, he didn't mind it. Though he did kind of mind the bruises Perry's heels left behind.</p><p>    To put it simply, Heinz Doofenshmirtz was touch-starved. And right now, with Perry trapping him against the floor in order to keep him from reaching the Inator nearby, he didn't really feel like trying to escape. At his nemesis' questioning hum, he blinked out of his thoughts, swallowing hard before struggling half-heartedly, barely putting any effort into it. </p><p>    The teal-haired male above him frowned, tilting his head slightly before signing something, shifting backwards and sitting lightly on top of the evil scientists' thighs. It took Heinz a moment to translate the signs, his brain not wanting to work with him. There was a quiet churr from the other, which he responded to with a quiet sound of his own, bringing his hands up and gently pushing Perry away as he sat up. </p><p>    'Are you okay?'</p><p>    "I-" Heinz stopped himself before he answered, thinking the question over as he stared at his hands. Was he really okay? "I don't know, Perry the platypus." He responded quietly, running his hands through his unruly hair.  "You know, ever since I was a child, I've never had the right amount of physical affection. With my parents being absent at my birth and being raised by ocelots and all... Ocelots aren't the most affectionate creatures." </p><p>    Perry blinked slowly, tilting his head just so as he stared at Heinz in confusion. Letting out a long sigh, Heinz slowly pushed Perry off of him completely, getting to his feet and beginning to pace. As he did so, he continued to ramble, not quite getting to the point he was trying to make. After a few moments, he paused, glancing at his nemesis to make sure he was still following along.</p><p>    'So how does this relate to the Inator?'</p><p>    "Perry the platypus, don't you know it's rude to interrupt?" The brunet snapped, making the shorter man flinch slightly, a hurt look coming across his face. Pausing, he opened his mouth, only for Norm to interrupt cheerily.</p><p>    "It sounds like you're touch-starved, sir!"</p><p>    "Shut up, Norm! Where was I?"</p><p>    'Wait.' Instinctively- wait, why was it instinctive? What was instinctive about listening to his <em>nemesis</em> of all people? Maybe he shouldn't have stayed up so late working on today's Inator. Heinz shook his head, dragging a hand down his face as he swallowed hard, trying to clear the sleep from his gaze as he squinted at the teal-haired man. 'Heinz, you look exhausted.'</p><p>    "Since when have you called me Heinz?" Perry frowned at him, shifting a few steps closer as Heinz backed away, blinking at each click of Perry's heels. "And since when have you worn high heels?" Squinting more, his eyes slipped shut as he stumbled back a step, landing roughly on his backside.</p><p>    'When did you last sleep?' Was that concern in his nemesis' brown eyes or was it the exhaustion making him see things? Bringing up a hand, he roughly rubbed at his eyes, pressing the cold metal to his face. A shiver ran down his spine as something warm replaced the cold, making him blink rapidly at Perry who was... holding his hands? 'Heinz.'</p><p>    "Perry." His accent was thicker than usual, exhaustion driving the r out of his mouth like a brick through a window. </p><p>    "Norm!" The robot enthused, poking his head into the room. Tired blue eyes shot a glare his way, making the bot back out as his gaze slowly focused back onto the agent trying to help him to his feet.</p><p>    "Where are you taking me, Perry the Platypus?" Heinz demanded, with less demand than he intended. </p><p>    'To bed. You look dead on your feet.' The teal-haired agent signed one-handed, giving Heinz a hard tug and pulling him up. Stumbling slightly, Perry quickly caught Heinz, one hand resting on his chest.</p><p>    "At least buy me dinner first." That got him a look paired with a rough churr, followed by Perry draping one arm over Heinz's shoulders, adjusting his hold on the tall brunet. "What?" He responded tiredly, stumbling over his feet as he leaned on Perry.</p><p>    'You stink.'</p><p>    "Wow, thank you so much, Perry the platypus." Stifling a yawn, he forced his eyes to stay open as he pointed to the door on the left side of the hall. "This room. The other one is Vanessa's." Nodding in understanding, Perry adjusted his hold again, carefully opening the door and walking Heinz through it. The brunet couldn't help but lean into the secret agent's touch, too tired to care anymore. Perry helped him into the large queen-sized bed, his touch on Heinz's prostheses incredibly gentle. </p><p>    'Sleep. I can't thwart a nemesis who thwarts himself by not sleeping.' Blinking slowly, Heinz whipped out an arm, latching onto Perry's shirt sleeve and tugging gently. 'Heinz, what are you doing, you need to rest.'</p><p>    "Can you just... stay?" The scientist requested quietly, swallowing roughly. Perry's brown eyes stared at him, the emotion in them indecipherable. Forcing himself to release the agent's sleeve, he slowly pulled his hand back to his chest, letting out a shaky exhale. "It's okay. You don't have to, nobody else does. Nobody really wants to." Swallowing again, forcing down the lump in his throat, he rolled onto his other side, hiding his face in the pillows. </p><p>    After a few moments, the bed dipped. Heinz didn't move, adamantly refusing to look at the other man. A few quiet thumps were followed by a quiet squeak of the bed frame as Perry slid his arms around Heinz, loosely holding him. Unable to help himself, Heinz let out a choked sob, whipping around and hiding his face in Perry's chest, barely noticing the agents missing waistcoat. Sniffling, the scientist latched onto him, the coldness of his prostheses seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt.</p><p>    Gently, Perry shushed him, moving one hand up to brush his fingers through Heinz's hair as the other rubbed soothing circles between the man's shoulder blades. Quietly, he started humming the song his nephews wrote, making his nemesis let out a shaky laugh.</p><p>    "Is that- Are you humming Gitchee Gitchee Goo, Perry the platypus?" He asked, lifting his head slightly. Giving Heinz a sheepish smile, Perry shrugged, pulling the hand from his hair to sign a response.</p><p>    'It's not my fault it's catchy. Don't think I don't hear you humming <em>my</em> theme song.' The teal-haired agent returned, a teasing look in his eyes. Blinking, Heinz paused for a moment before his cheeks lit up in a pale pink blush, averting his gaze.</p><p>    "It's catchy." Heinz retorted grumpily as he pouted, earning himself a wry smile. "But why do you hum Gitchee Gitchee Goo?"</p><p>    'My nephews wrote the song.' Perry answered, bringing up a hand and gently brushing his thumb over Heinz's cheek, clearing away tears. </p><p>    "Wait, wait, wait, you have nephews? And they wrote Gitchee Gitchee Goo?" The other man demanded, shifting onto an elbow to stare in shock. Pausing, Perry gave a small nod, watching in confusion as Heinz twisted, flopping onto his back. "Man, you got some creative kids." Letting out a quiet laugh, Perry shook his head in amusement, cracking up even more as Heinz rolled off the side of the bed, releasing a startled squawk.</p><p>    'Are you okay?' Shifting closer to the edge of the bed, he peered at Heinz, unable to help himself from snickering. Heinz stared at Perry, holding one of his arms against his chest with a slightly pained look on his face. At the expression, Perry froze, thoughts racing through his mind. 'What happened? It didn't break, did it? What can I do to help you?'</p><p>    "Slow down, Perry the platypus. It's not easy to translate when I can barely keep my eyes open." Swallowing, Perry nodded in understanding, signing the questions again. Humming quietly, Heinz slowly got to his feet, adjusting his hold on his arm before twisting it, removing the prosthesis. "Hitting the floor made something come loose." He explained, letting out a soft laugh at Perry's expression.</p><p>    'You can just... remove it like that?' Blinking, Heinz gave the agent a small nod.</p><p>    "That's how all prostheses work, Perry the platypus." The scientist responded before flinching as a door slammed shut.</p><p>    "Dad!" </p><p>    "Oh! Vanessa's here!" Heinz enthused, shoving his prosthesis into Perry's hands before darting off to greet his daughter, stumbling a few times.</p><p>    "Dad, where's your arm?" Vanessa questioned, raising an eyebrow. With his still-attached hand, he motioned behind him, where Perry was slowly following, having taken a few moments to recover from the surprise of being handed a prosthesis. </p><p>    "I gave it to Perry the platypus." Pausing for a moment, Vanessa let out a long sigh, dragging a hand down her face.</p><p>    "Do I even want to know why?"</p><p>    'He just shoved it into my hands when you came home. Apparently its... not working?' Perry signed, a confused look on his face as he shrugged. The teen girl blinked, letting out a quiet huff as she rolled her eyes. </p><p>    "Of course. Ew, dad, you stink, go shower!" She complained, giving her father a look. Unable to help himself, Perry chuckled, the sound prompting another frantic response from Heinz. Staring at him in confusion, Vanessa glanced back at Perry for a moment before her eyes widened in realisation, a small grin tugging at the corners of her lips.</p><p>    "Both of you have said-"</p><p>    "Then go shower!" Vanessa demanded at the same time Perry managed to sign it. </p><p>    'Go shower, Heinz. And leave your clothes out so I can wash them.'</p><p>    "I have spares-" Heinz started, only for Perry to stop him with a look. Sighing heavily, Heinz huffed, walking off to the bathroom. With him gone, Vanessa whirled, staring at the agent. He blinked at her, tilting his head in a silent question.</p><p>    "So, when did you start calling him Heinz?" She questioned as Heinz's singing came from the bathroom, muffled by the shower and the distance. Perry blinked a couple of times, sighing and shaking his head slightly, signing quickly.</p><p>    'It doesn't matter.'</p><p>    "It doesn't? Then why didn't you call him Doofenshmirtz?" Vanessa questioned. The man blinked at the girl before letting out a quiet huff, shaking his head and trying to ignore the warmth of his face. </p><p>    'Go to your room.'</p><p>    "You're not my dad." She retorted, huffing quietly as she crossed her arms over her chest. Staring back at her, Perry raised an eyebrow, crossing both his and Heinz's prosthesis over his chest in response. "You aren't. But I'm going to my room anyway. Not because you told me to. Let me know when you plan on telling dad how you feel so I can record his panic." </p><p>    'I don't have-' Sighing heavily as she walked off, he shook his head slightly, setting Heinz's arm on the counter. 'And she's gone. Of course. Wait, why did I put that down?' Picking the prosthesis back up, he moved to the bathroom, stifling a chuckle at Heinz's loud singing, shaking his head in amusement. </p><p>    "Well, he's lookin' real sharp in his 1940's fedora. He's got an iron will, nerves of steel, and several other metal-themed attributes! His fur is watertight and he's always up for a fight." Pausing for a moment, Perry stood with his hand on the doorknob, listening to the scientist sing his heart out. There were a few times where the so-called evil scientist was a lot less evil than usual and this happened to be one of them.</p><p>    Perry silently opened the door, grabbing the clothes that were on the little shelf next to the door before shutting it, moving to Heinz's bedroom to grab him a new set of clothes. Staring at the identical outfits in the man's closet, he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before grabbing one of them and making a quiet churr in the back of his throat as he carried them to the bathroom. Now, however, Heinz was singing a different song.</p><p>    "Well, I don't know what to do~ But I think I'm getting through~ Cuz when I say I love you~ <em>He</em> says I Gitchee Gitchee Goo you too!" Heinz crooned from the shower, making Perry pause. He knew the lyrics; he had given the boys a bit of help when they were writing the song after all, and he <em>knew </em>that Heinz had switched it up. Swallowing, he nudged open the door, slipping inside to place the clean clothes on the toilet, closer to the shower.</p><p>    Which just switched off. Cursing up a storm in his mind, Perry stumbled back, trying to sneak back out of the bathroom before Heinz stepped out of the shower. Knocking something over, he froze, brown eyes wide.</p><p>
  <b><em>    Fuck</em>.</b>
</p><p>    "Perry the platypus? What are you doing in here?" Quickly, Perry jabbed a finger in the direction of the clothes, blushing bright red. Heinz blinked, glancing at the clothes before smiling softly at the agent. "Oh, thank you! Do you have my arm?" Swallowing hard, Perry squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to look at his nemesis as he fumbled to retrieve the titanium limb. "Perry-?" Clenching his hand around it, he peeked open one eye, trying to find where Heinz was.</p><p>    "Wait- wait, wait, Perry, don't throw it!" Heinz practically screeched a moment too late. "Perry!" Frantically signing an apology, Perry bolted out of the bathroom, running through the apartment and throwing himself out the door. What had he done? Taking the stairs, he leapt down them, stumbling occasionally as he tried to keep his eyes clear and dry. Panting heavily as he raced to the parking lot, he threw himself into his car, fumbling to find his keys as he tried to breathe.</p><p>    He sat there for a few moments, trying to calm down enough to be able to see, so he could drive safely. There was no way he'd be willing to risk an accident, not when he had his boys to get home to. Wiping furiously at his eyes, he pulled off his fedora, tossing it into the seat next to him. Perry breathed slowly, forcing himself to relax before glancing at his watch. Inhaling sharply, he quickly pushed his key into the ignition, turning on the car and beginning to head home. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey hi how's it going it's been forever</p><p>uhhh sorry writing has been really tough lately?? and i haven't been able to write much- fanfiction or otherwise. but i recently binged all four seasons and the two phineas and ferb movies so now im kinda hyperfixating on it so,,, yeah</p><p>this was supposed to be a oneshot<br/>it's not looking like that anymore but hey that's p neat bc i haven't written much lately!!!!</p><p>characters are probably gonna be a bit OOC </p><p>i had no idea what the fuck i was gonna title this so yeah it's gonna be that ig</p><p>second chapter coming in probably a while??? idk</p></blockquote></div></div>
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